Mind your emotions

While sipping coffee in the office cafeteria, Dennis was oblivious of the chit chat and chattering happening  around him. He was not even feeling the  pungent taste of the hard and hot filter coffee pouring into his mouth at a periodic interval, almost with the  precision of a robotic machine. His mind was still entrapped in the horrible and noisy customer meeting that finished an hour ago. The outcome of the meeting had shattered the edifice of his image, he had cultivated and carved out over a period of time. Perhaps, there are moments of life when the gush of emotions deluges the pillars of prudence. He did not respond to the voice calling his name, he kept staring the empty coffee mug without any sense of purpose before Megan literally shoved him out of his chair.

The experience and responses of Dennis may not be unique in the corporate world, human minds are wired to respond to the favourable and hostile situation by evoking various types, shades and degrees of emotion. The emotional response may be one of the or mix of the anger, disgust, fear, happiness, and sadness. 

I still remember that sultry evening, when I walked into an internal team meeting with decent  expectation, only to discover that our plan has fallen flat once again. The agony  did not end there, a few familiar faces visibly disowned the accountability and defended  their actions that led to the failure without a tinge of disappointment. This was enough to trigger the outburst of my temper  leaving a permanent scar in the professional relationship with the said individuals for the years to come.

Shortly after the ill-fated meeting, A wise friend advised me to stay calm and demonstrate maximum restraint under extreme provocation – emotions may not change the behvaiour of the people around you.

It may be true that the emotion is instinctive and intuitive - the mysterious question that continues to baffle an  individual is not its suddenness but the remedy to douse the flame of anger or anguish  immediately, that erupts from within in response to the hostile narratives, vitriolic statements and outrageous actions.

What is emotional intelligence

Now a days a new phrase “Emotional Intelligence” is  heard frequently in the corridors of the corporate world. In last two decades, a lot of research has been done to understand the impact of emotional intelligence on human behaviour in work environment. The term was first coined in 1964 by Michael Beldoch, but it gained widespread popularity thanks to Daniel Goleman’ book published in 19995.

According to Daniel Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence is sine qua non for the leadership – without it person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind and endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won’t make a great leader.”

Contrary to the complexity of emotional expression and perception, the definition of Emotional intelligence (EI) is simple and is often understood as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. However, the application of emotional  intelligence through an intricate and  intertwined layers of the Individual’s mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation is complicated and confounding.

Daniel Goleman further elaborated that the emotional intelligence is a group of five skills namely : Self-awareness, Self -regulation, Motivation, Empathy  and Social Skill.

Managing Emotions 

Human brain is the epicenter of all emotional responses. Now it is known that, Amygdala is the region of the brain that acts as the integration center for emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation. 

The researches carried out over the years have proved that the emotional intelligence can be learnt and surprisingly, the responses mastered over a long a span of time can also be unlearnt and undone. It is easier said that done – learning and unlearning emotional responses is painstakingly a slow process.

The learning approach and technique for managing emotions has to be designed and executed  differently from other training programs as the emotions are controlled by the limbic region, while other kinds of technical trainings are controlled by neocortex region of the brain. The process of change is difficult and individualized, it can only succeed with the steadfast determination of the individual. 

Dr Susan David and Christina Congleton argued in their article that, the leaders must develop the critical skill of “Emotional Agility” for managing emotions effectively. The people with the skill of emotional agility are able to recognize emotions before reacting, they have the luxury of extra second to decide and respond in a way that aligns with the  values.

Let me conclude the complex subject with one friendly advice of finding a friend who can help to diagnose and develop the emotional agility by sharing the genuine feedback with empathy and  broad smile. 

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

                                                                                  (Rumi)