The Tyranny of Silence

 

In the stillness of the sultry night, while negotiating the cluttered and noisy lanes of the digital communication , I stumbled upon a bizarre notification flashing on my phone announcing the removal of an esteemed gentlemen from a digital social group for his refusal to kowtow before the edifice of a scared ordinance promulgated by a tribe of democratically elected representatives.

Is there anything bizarre and unusual about the act of removal of individual from a any digital association, many mortals may ask this question, challenging  the premise of the  argument mentioned above 

The answer to the above mentioned hypothetical concern may vary depending upon the code of conduct one believes in, but for me it is resounding “Yes”  - it is indeed unusual. We all understand that every democratic group, federation or association is blessed with the right to add and remove the members based on the defined, documented and agreed policies and procedures. However,  any unfair assertion and action by the select group on the basis of “predilection for” or “prejudice against” the individual is at best unethical and unjust. This specific case stands out as a brazen act of injustice by the authorities at the helm of affairs  to send an unambiguous warning message to the large populace to comply and concur with the edicts cast in stone silently. 

Unfortunately, there is nothing new about this undesirable overreaction by the emperor of the day, the annal of history is filled with the similar stories of “arrogance of power” from  the time immemorial . In the recent past with the emergence of powerful democratic leaders across the geographical boundaries, the space for  liberty and freedom is continuously shrinking and is under unprecedented threat. The malaise is not limited to the large political enterprises but has spread to the lowest level of political and social institutions like an incurable disease of cancer . How can behaviour of RWAs be  different – the same arrogance of power has corroded the “structure of the ability” of many representatives to patiently manage the dissenting voices. Taking inspiration from the political leadership, they are trying assiduously to master the  art of bullying the residents into submission. 

Going back to the issue of expulsion, it is not the act but the meek acceptance of the act by the populace that has worried me most. It reminds  me of a famous statement by Martin Luther King Jr  - “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

 

It is true that the sprinkling of the fellow residents, raised their concerns and demanded reinstatement of the membership but it is also a sad reality that the larger cluster chose the comfortable silence over inconvenient truth. In my limited view,  the act of silence have always emboldened the authorities to impose their will without the formal due diligence process. 

 

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” — Archbishop Desmond Tutu

 

At times, there can be valid justification for the decisions taken by RWA, but the same has to be ratified as per the provisions of the law. Occasionally, there can also be unreasonable resistance to the specific clauses of the provisions promulgated by the esteemed RWA with a good and positive intent. Let us not forget that the democratic governance framework is chaotic and stifling the voice is not the best of approach to address the concern raised by one, a few or many.

 

The history of the world is filled with the instances of disgraceful silence, when the world demanded the sane voices to standup. The most recent example before our eyes is the carefully calculated silence of the Arab world when the naked dance of death is going on in the ruins of Ghaza. In the words of Iqbal -

 

Yeh Misra Likh Diya Kis Shokh Ne Mehraab-e-Masjid Par

Naadan Gir Gaye Sajde mein Jab Vaqt-e-Qayaam Aaya 

                                                                                

                                                                        

 

The act of raising voice against injustice is important – the voice may be feeble , the incidence of injustice may be small in scale and scope.

Lack of Accountability- An invisible elephant in the room

 

“It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts.”

(Mahatama Gandhi)

 

 

The dark grey sky was littered with glittering starts of all sizes, the faded  half- moon was hanging like a pale adornment from the horizon. While promenading within the secure wall of the residential campus I was  engrossed in a serious conversation with my fellow companion. He was a bit miffed with his trusted distant cousin for the non-completion of a critical task that led to some serious complication and trouble for him. Apparently, he seemed  deeply annoyed with the gentlemen he chose to trust. He concluded with the loud whining about the  lack of ownership  and accountability among the people in general.

 

I deal with the issues of responsibility and accountability on  a routine basis in my professional milieu, I quipped when his temper watered down a bit. I told him that despite investing years in the business organisations, I am still trying to discover the hormones that are responsible for inducing  sense of  accountability and ownership in the Individuals.

 

The cognitive revolution of the human beings  started  almost 70000 years back  but even today in the digital world of 21^st Century, a good number of the people around us in all walks of life have the innate tendency to avoid the ownership of the tasks befallen on their shoulders.

 

I came across an interesting study by Darren Overfield and Rob Kaiser published in Forbes magazine with the subject line “One Out of Every Two Managers Is Terrible at Accountability” that sums up the story of  corporate workplaces. The  study  of 5,400 upper-level managers revealed that the accountability was their single most neglected behaviour . It  also made a startling revelation stating, that a whopping 46% of the managers under study failed to demonstrate the mentioned behaviour during business transactions.

 

The crisis of the accountability at workplace is real, it’s like a big elephant dancing in the meeting rooms, invisible to the intelligent minds sitting over there to discover the reasons of failure and decline.

 

Culture of Accountability : What and Why ?

 

According to Cambridge dictionary, Accountability is  the fact of being responsible for what you do and able to give a satisfactory reason for it, or the degree to which this happens.

 

For me accountability refers to the ownership of the personal or organisational responsibility one has inherited or agreed to perform,  it encompasses the graceful acceptance of the setbacks and fiascos one may encounter in the mundane transactions of lives and of course,  it also includes the sharing of successes and accolades with fellow stakeholders.

 

According to the authors of the book” The Oz Principle: Getting Results Through Individual and Organizational Accountability”, True accountability is the “personal choice to rise above one’s circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for achieving desired results.

The organisation’s performance and growth is inextricably linked with the culture of accountability permeating across the hierarchies of  work force.  The sense of accountability instils a feeling of belonging within the employee group leading to positive outcome and successful result. It creates a conducive environment where instances of failure is taken as an opportunity to own, reflect, learn and move forward with a positive intent. For start-ups, the accountability of the employees is the springboard to succeed and sustain by building a relationship of trust with the customers.

Developing the culture of accountability

It is no wonder that the corporate organisations are spending the huge sum of money and time to develop the culture of accountability within the organisation through various methods of training and employee engagement framework. Despite the continuous efforts of cultural transformation by the corporate office, the results are not very encouraging. The complexity of the issues  gets compounded for the start-ups as they may not have the luxury of necessary funds and time span required to implement a sustainable framework of employee engagement that may yield great result in the long term.  I strongly believe that the sense of responsibility and accountability is inculcated in the child from the pre-school stage itself, that may be further enhanced, fine-tuned  and reinforced with the aid of trainings, techniques and frameworks. The radical transformation in the attitude of the individual towards work and life  is a dauting task to accomplish for the harbingers of the initiatives within  a short tenure of the employee within the organisation.

 

It is not only  important to recruit the  “Best fit Talent”, it is equally important to create and implement the process of assessing the fitness for the role by measuring the performance of the individual against the core values  within 60 days from the date of joining. If the employees has failed to demonstrate the expected behaviours and is not aligned  with the organisation culture, s/he should be replaced immediately even if the process of replacement is painstaking and pricy. The impetus of driving the culture of accountability through open communication and environment of trust  lies squarely in the hands of leadership team.

 

Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.

(Bob Proctor – Author, You Were Born Rich)

                                                                             

Reference :

https://hbr.org/2012/11/one-out-of-every-two-managers-is-terrible-at-accountability

The Dilemma of Friendship

 

               “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life"

(Mark Twain)

                                                                                                          

Adrian was sitting alone in his dimly lit, small reading room  staring at the books he has collected over a protracted pattern of diverse seasons. In front of him, there were books  he has never read, he smelled, scanned, settled them smoothly on the wooden shelf for the future purposes. On the left corner, there were a few, he has abruptly left, after reading a few pages due to abundance of boredom and drabness effusing from the long prosaic paragraphs. He had his own likings for the books and authors, he read, relished and referred then again and again to explore and understand the various complexities of human lives and umpteen shades of human behaviour and emotions captured in the white pages. These books were like an old wine to him, he will pour, drink till he gets inebriated.

 

While turning the pages of the of one his favourite books randomly, he discovered a  handwritten note, he has referred this book on multiple occasions, but he could neither recall the timing of the scribbling nor could he correlate it with any purpose he might have thought about ,while putting it safe and secure within the pages of the book “The Difficult of Being Good”. The crumbed old note read as follows :

 

In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle's best-known work on ethics, he described that friendship itself is a virtue, or involves virtue. It is not only important for living well, as a means, but is also a noble or beautiful end in itself that receives praise in its own right, and being a good friend is sometimes thought to be linked to being a good person. He differentiated into various categories based on the motives :

·      The pursuit of good

·      Utility or usefulness

·      Pleasure

According to him utility or pleasure are the inferior motives of the friendship. True friendship will be rare. When it does occur, it will only occur after a long period of time

 

His eyes got glued to the note, for him friendship was a conundrum that he could not resolve despite investing mammoth efforts and time. He was feeling betrayed by the recent events of his life, he thought that perhaps his gesture of friendship is being considered a sign of emotional weakness by the people around him. He wondered, not a long back he started his journey of friendship with Ashley with high hope and immense enthusiasm.  He remembered the cloudy winter evening, while sipping hot coffee they got into an accidental conversation about an uninteresting issue pertaining to collective behaviour of the society.During the prolonged conversation thanks to the continuous drizzle outside, they did discover a bit of commonalities in their thinking process that paved the way for them to meet again for the bitter caffeine and pleasant conversation.

 

He picked the paper in his hand and murmured, “perhaps Aristotle’ long time is longer than human life”. He needed an instant friendship that can make him cheerful and happy, needed a friend he can share his weird thoughts with. He wished to engage with someone to enjoy coffee and confabulation about mundane matters without irking other individual.

 

Ah, its not the right time for friendship!

 

In the “Dog eat Dog” world where all and sundry are racing against time, ultimately and ironically, only to be defeated by it – Aristotle’s long time needs to be recalibrated against the time keeper of the modern times. Adrian’s experience and expectations are not unique, it is much easier to find a friend in school with shared interest. You can find acquaintance, companion, colleague, comrade in the corporate corridors and happening cafes, but not necessarily a trusted friend driven by the “Pursuit of Goodness”.

 

The friends are lost during the journey from school to corporate world. Trace back your own path- you might have had many close and trusted buddies and besties in school and college, after spending a few critical years in the glittering corporate cosmos, perhaps you are left with a few that too if you have the luck of the Irish? It is indeed true that friendship is the first casualty after the watershed event of marriage as it changes the contours of relationship between couple and their friends upside down. The innocence of informality existing between friends fades with every passing day, paving the way for a decorated, formal, decent, perhaps a “nicely fit designer friendship” with rigidly defined boundaries.

 

 

Digitisation of  friendship

 

No one can disagree with the impact of digital connectivity to get into quick, crisp and cordial conversation leading to the strengthening of the bond of friendship. Digital revolution has changed the paradigm of friendship in many good and bad ways. It has significantly reduced the in-person interactions - the understanding of unspoken feelings, the warmth of the meetings, empathetic considerations, impatient wait to greet,  the innate giggle and guffaw seems to have lost the meaning in the world of meaningful discussions. In the upgraded version of friendship, we feel pleased to share the moments of glory and but feel hesitant to share the instances of pain. There is an invisible curtain between best of the friends that only allows the visibility of happy events and occurrences. Mostly, the meeting is between personalities, the persons are well hidden  behind their smartly crafted façade.

 

 

Friends are blessings

 

The Indian Telecom Giant “Airtel” ran an advertisement  campaign a few years back with a tagline “Har Ek Friend Zaroori Hota Hai”, to target the young and exuberant college going students. I believe that friends are crucial for all age groups to keep the spirit of vivacity and liveliness alive. You must have one true friend who can stand with you when the chips are down.

   It is indeed true that unlike Adrian, many of the aspiring professionals ready with parachute to jump into  the galaxy of excellence and exclusivity may not have necessary bandwidth  and even temperament to understand and accommodate the need for a true friend in life.

    The success requires blood, sweat and tears but once you get taste of it,  it induces many unique dilemmas. The person who accedes the summit always gets the advices he/she wishes to hear from the medley of acquaintances circling around him/her. This necessitates the need for a true friend who can share his /her displeasure and disapproval  without any fear of repercussion or  hope of favour. It reminds me of Oprah Winfrey’s interesting line  - “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” 

 

 

Sustaining friendship

 

It is not easy to sustain a friendship, even if it has been nurtured and nourished over a long period of time due to plenty of  reasons emanating from the complexities of life.  More importantly if the value of true friendship in life  is not known,  once celebrated friendship  will reduce to functional association of strangers.

The discussion started with a silent conversation between Andrian and his books and  strayed desultorily into the strange territories of friendship. Let me invoke this beautiful couplet of Ghalib to close the chapter.

 

ye kahaa.n kii dostii hai ki bane hai.n dost naaseh

ko.ii chaarasaaz hotaa ko.ii Gam-gusaar hotaa

                                                            (Ghalib)

 

 

(Woe betide, my friendship, that the friends give pious advice and sermons they deliver.
I need someone on whose shoulders could I weep, who could allay my grief and my fears)

Ghazal

Naved-e-Aamad-e-Yaaan Se Mausam Khuubsurat Hai

Gulon ke Raqs-e-Paiham Ka Nazaara  Khuubsurat Hai

Hayaa, ki Ot se Shokhi Nigahon mein Utar Aayee

Kaha Dheere se Jab Maine, Muhabbat Khuubsurat Hai

Dil-e-Naadan pe Kya Guzri,Jo Usne Haal-e-Jaan Poocha

Adab se keh diya, Pyare, Yeh Duniya Khuubsurat Hai

Hui Muddat Likhe Jisko, Usii Khat Ka Jawab Aaya

Likha Usne Wahi Usmein, Kahani Khubsuurat Hai

Ajab hai kaifiyat Dil ki Na Jaaane Kaisi Uljan Hai                                               

Na Dilkash Ab Rehi Furqat, Na Qurbat Khubsurat Hai 

Kisi Be-noor Zindaan mein Koi Be-Baak Sa Shaaer

Humak ke gaa Reha tha kal Andhera Khuubsurat Hai

Kisi Benaam Manzil ka Safar Pur-KHaar  Raste Se

Kabhi Dushwar Lagta Hai, Kabhi yeh Khubsurat hai

Utho Tausif Dekho Ab, Subah hone ko Aaaye Hai

Gulon ki Makhmali Chadar pe Shabnam Khuubsurat Hai 

Zindagi Ka Safar

Zeest ka Sail-e-Rawaan, Pahuchega Jab Us Mod Par

Jab Khvaab ke Sheeshe se Saara  Aks  Gum Ho Jayega

Lab ki Sab Shola-Fashani, Dil kaa Sab Josh-o-Junoon 

Waqt Ke Dhundle Safhon mein Chupke se Kho Jayega  

Sust- Rau Qadmon mein hogaa Bojh Guzre  Saal Kaa

Bazuoon Mein Zor Bhi Kam Kam Bacha Reh Jayega

Jism ke Ajzaa mein Kab Baaqi Rehega  Eitadaal

Dhadkanon ka Ghatta Badhta Silsila Reh Jayega

Haan Faraaghat to Rehegi Roz-o-Shab mein Waqt  Ki                   

Milne Waalon ki Kamii Se Dil Bujhaa Reh Jaayega

Hogi Maana Sab Suhulat, Honge Khidmatgaar Bhii 

Guftaguu Karne ko Shayad Chaaragar Reh Jaayega 

Yaad ki Dahleez par  Guzre Dinon Ka  Kaarvan

Kuch Dinon tak to Rahega, Phir Judaa Ho  Jayega

Jab Karoge Zindagi ke Beete Lamhon Ka Hisaab 

Waqt ki Barabadiyon ka Phir Yaqeen Ho Jaayega 

Zindagi ke Is Safar kii Kya Shikayat, Kya Gilaa

Raah mein Kaante na ho, to kya maza Reh Jayega 

Yeh Anaa ke Taaj-o-Zevar, Yeh Takabbur ka Mahal

Jab Safar yeh Khatm hoga, Kya Bacha Reh Jayegi 

Glossary :

Zeest Life

Saile-e-Ravaan Flowing Stream  

Lab `        Lips

Shola-Fashaani Fiery Speeches  

Sust -Rau Slow moving 

Ajzaa Elements 

Eitadaal Balance 

Faraghat         Availability 

Roz-o-Shab Day and Night 

Khidmatgaar Support Staff

Charagar Doctor

Gilaa Complaint 

Anaa Ego

Takabbur         Haughtiness

Mind your emotions

While sipping coffee in the office cafeteria, Dennis was oblivious of the chit chat and chattering happening  around him. He was not even feeling the  pungent taste of the hard and hot filter coffee pouring into his mouth at a periodic interval, almost with the  precision of a robotic machine. His mind was still entrapped in the horrible and noisy customer meeting that finished an hour ago. The outcome of the meeting had shattered the edifice of his image, he had cultivated and carved out over a period of time. Perhaps, there are moments of life when the gush of emotions deluges the pillars of prudence. He did not respond to the voice calling his name, he kept staring the empty coffee mug without any sense of purpose before Megan literally shoved him out of his chair.

The experience and responses of Dennis may not be unique in the corporate world, human minds are wired to respond to the favourable and hostile situation by evoking various types, shades and degrees of emotion. The emotional response may be one of the or mix of the anger, disgust, fear, happiness, and sadness. 

I still remember that sultry evening, when I walked into an internal team meeting with decent  expectation, only to discover that our plan has fallen flat once again. The agony  did not end there, a few familiar faces visibly disowned the accountability and defended  their actions that led to the failure without a tinge of disappointment. This was enough to trigger the outburst of my temper  leaving a permanent scar in the professional relationship with the said individuals for the years to come.

Shortly after the ill-fated meeting, A wise friend advised me to stay calm and demonstrate maximum restraint under extreme provocation – emotions may not change the behvaiour of the people around you.

It may be true that the emotion is instinctive and intuitive - the mysterious question that continues to baffle an  individual is not its suddenness but the remedy to douse the flame of anger or anguish  immediately, that erupts from within in response to the hostile narratives, vitriolic statements and outrageous actions.

What is emotional intelligence

Now a days a new phrase “Emotional Intelligence” is  heard frequently in the corridors of the corporate world. In last two decades, a lot of research has been done to understand the impact of emotional intelligence on human behaviour in work environment. The term was first coined in 1964 by Michael Beldoch, but it gained widespread popularity thanks to Daniel Goleman’ book published in 19995.

According to Daniel Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence is sine qua non for the leadership – without it person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind and endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won’t make a great leader.”

Contrary to the complexity of emotional expression and perception, the definition of Emotional intelligence (EI) is simple and is often understood as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. However, the application of emotional  intelligence through an intricate and  intertwined layers of the Individual’s mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation is complicated and confounding.

Daniel Goleman further elaborated that the emotional intelligence is a group of five skills namely : Self-awareness, Self -regulation, Motivation, Empathy  and Social Skill.

Managing Emotions 

Human brain is the epicenter of all emotional responses. Now it is known that, Amygdala is the region of the brain that acts as the integration center for emotions, emotional behavior, and motivation. 

The researches carried out over the years have proved that the emotional intelligence can be learnt and surprisingly, the responses mastered over a long a span of time can also be unlearnt and undone. It is easier said that done – learning and unlearning emotional responses is painstakingly a slow process.

The learning approach and technique for managing emotions has to be designed and executed  differently from other training programs as the emotions are controlled by the limbic region, while other kinds of technical trainings are controlled by neocortex region of the brain. The process of change is difficult and individualized, it can only succeed with the steadfast determination of the individual. 

Dr Susan David and Christina Congleton argued in their article that, the leaders must develop the critical skill of “Emotional Agility” for managing emotions effectively. The people with the skill of emotional agility are able to recognize emotions before reacting, they have the luxury of extra second to decide and respond in a way that aligns with the  values.

Let me conclude the complex subject with one friendly advice of finding a friend who can help to diagnose and develop the emotional agility by sharing the genuine feedback with empathy and  broad smile. 

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

                                                                                  (Rumi)

Ghazal

 

Maah-o-Anjum ki Justaju Mein Sukuun Dil Ka Ujad Reha Hai

Saa’ton Ko Main Qaid Kar Luun,Yeh Lamha Lamha Guzar Reha Hai

 

Zindagi Ke Naye Taqaaze,  Yeh Shauq-o-Armaan ke Istiaare

Ahd-e-Nau ka Mizaaj Yaaro  Qabaayein Apni Badal Reha hai

 

Khushi ke Afsoon Talash Kartaa, Gali Gali Jo Bhatak Reha Hai

Batao Usko, Khushi Ka Gauhar Darun-e-Dil me Damak Reha Hai

 

Purane Rishton ka Baagh Suuna, Na Koi Nakhat Na Koii Rangat

Dostii ka Shajar  Jhukaa Hai, Barg-o-Gul Bhi Bikhar Reha Hai

 

Rasm-e-Kuhnaa Ki Bediyon ko Tegh-e-Irfaan Se Kaat Daalein 

Ilm-o-Danish  ka leke Parcham  Badho  Zamana Badal Reha Hai

 

Tumhare Aamad ki Ek Khabar Se Dil Ki Vaadi Mahak Uthi Hai

Surkh Phulon Mein Koii Baitha Vafaa Ke Naghme Suna Reha Hai

 

Suna Reha tha Woh Apne Qisse, Shagufta Lahje mein Dheere-Dheere

Zikr Aaya Hai Jabse Mera, Woh Jane Kyon Muskura Reha Hai

 

Karun Khatam Ab Ghazal Main Apni, Raat Shayad Guzar Chuki Hai

Shab ke Aanachal Se Kaun Aakhir Chaand Taare Chura Reha Hai

 

Glossary :

Maah-o-Anjum                Moon and Stars

Sukuun                          Peace

Saa’ton                          Time/Moments

Istiaare                          Metaphors

Qabaayein                     Cloth

Afsoon                           Magic

Gauhar                          Pearl

Darun-e-Dil                   Inside heart

Nakhat                          Fragrance

Shajar                           Tree

Burg-o-Gul                    Leaves and Flowers

Rasm-e-Kuhna                Old Traditions

Teghe—Irfan                  Sword of Wisdom

Ilm-o-Danish                  Knowledge and Sagacity

Parcham                        Flag

Aamad                           Coming

Surkh                            Red

Shagufta                        Interesting /Nicely Said